“I’m not good enough!” Everyone may doubt themselves sometimes – whether it’s about looks, intelligence, success at work or in a love life.
For some, this self-doubt and its associated desire for self-improvement can lead to psychological problems – up to and including depressions and anxiety disorders.
Exactly how self-doubt arises, what helps and why we don’t have to be perfect, is explained by psychological counselor and anxiety and stress management coach Sabrina Fleisch (29), author of Gaining Self-Confidence. Overcoming self-doubt.
How does self-doubt arise?
We learn what we suspect – through criticism from our parents and/or partners, through experiences in professional life, through observing our surroundings or through films and social media.
“Self-doubt and an underlying sense of shame and fear sometimes arise because of our environment, our self-image, and our belief in what is good, right, and acceptable,” explains Sabrina Fleisch.
Wanting to be what we think others expect of us is very stressful in the long run and can make us sick. “Self-doubt is expanding and affecting more and more situations, making your comfort zone smaller and smaller,” the expert explains. Because what causes doubts – you yourself – “will always be there, only the setting is different.”
As a result, we avoid people and situations, isolate ourselves and are unable to have positive experiences. Serious consequences can be anxiety disorders, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorders or even addiction.
You don’t have to be perfect!
Often the underlying problem is that we think only others are perfect. Sabrina Fleisch says that perfection is neither desirable nor realistic. Because: “Being wrong does not mean being wrong. Even if you make mistakes, have fears and fail at one point or another, you are right.” It is important to accept this and not let the bad experiences in our past determine the future.
“A lot of times we tend to blame ourselves, for wanting to change, for doubting ourselves, when sometimes it’s just because we didn’t find the right place for ourselves. We are not at fault, we are not at fault – perhaps the environment is not right for us,” he explains. Healer.
How do I overcome self-doubt?
Thus, a happier and happier life is usually associated with self-reflection: noticing one’s feelings and needs, asking what is good for him, what is required, as well as accepting it. “It’s okay if your current self isn’t what you want it to be. But it’s not very helpful to berate and reject yourself every single day,” warns Fleisch.
So the following questions are necessary to experience happiness and meaning in life: “How do I do? What is good for me? What do I need?” And then listen to your inner voice. “Life is about having a good time — we can only do that if we listen to our inner voice and let it speak,” Fleisch says.
Concrete tips against self-doubt
exchange: Talk to friends or family about your problems. Otherwise, there is a risk that self-doubt will become chronic. It is often helpful to realize that other people feel the same way.
Self reflection: Think about why you are what you are. In this way, some subjective doubts can be clarified.
Recognize strengths: Don’t base your sense of accomplishment on the praise of others, but direct yourself toward your actual accomplishments.
Strength expansion: Don’t constantly compare yourself to others, but keep building on your strengths.
How to learn to trust yourself
You know best what is good for you and how you feel best. In order to develop more confidence in yourself, you must also address and demand what is good for you. “You have to make choices that suit your life and benefit you, and not anyone else. You don’t have to please everyone, just yourself. This is much easier than trying to please many others,” the expert knows.
So what you think about yourself is more important than what other people think about you. “Why should we listen to what other people have to say about us when you are an expert in your life, your feelings and your happiness? Finally, don’t take the advice of an electrician when it comes to treating fractures.”
Ultimately, this can increase our self-confidence. It’s important not to “take into account what other people say about who we are and what we can or can do,” says Sabrina Fleisch. Because then “we get a chance to regain confidence in us, to see ourselves as the expert and to accept this expert opinion.”
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